Back in March when I stopped doing these weekly Lifestyle blog posts, I ended up getting a job at an upscale-esque casual dining restaurant in South Park. I love the people there, well most anyways, and the money is decent enough to justify the drive. It’s nowhere near photography money, but it works out being I haven’t been inspired to do photography and it gives me a social life. I still do shoots, but not as much as I used to. I can’t begin to fill you in on some of the things that I’ve been going through, but believe some of those things are best if kept to myself.
Let’s see, where should I begin? If you have been following along, you’d know I picked Duke to win the NCAA championship and the complete opposite happened; UNC won their 6th. I ended up coming across someone it seems like I’ve spent countless nights dreaming of. My favorite song at the moment is No Fear by Dej Loaf. I rearranged my room and it feels as refreshing as ever. I bought my first pair of Air Jordans in over 5 years, and ironically I bought the same pair in 2011, which were manufactured in 2006. So many things have been happening leading me to feel motionless in a world of blur. Taking my time with life seems out of the picture these days with how quick nostalgia tip-toes into my life. Bagel is 5 now and all my Facebook friends seem to be falling in love, getting married, and having kids.
Wait.
This piece of writing is everywhere and scattered.
I haven’t been responding to texts or messages of people checking up on me. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s more of I would love to have the time to dedicate and sit down to catch up with each other. I feel like they deserve more than responses every 8-12 hours, but unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. I look in the mirror some days and can’t recognize myself, and I’ve concluded it’s because I’ve never had the opportunity to meet who I am because I’m always focused on who I’m supposed to be, according to me, and sometimes according to others. It’s like the more I get to know people, the more I get to know myself. The more people I meet, the closer I become to me. So many people are miserable in this life, but can’t admit it. Although there are things difficult to admit to myself, I have no problem admitting I don’t want to be miserable. In the midst of that, I'm thankful to know who I don’t want to be, even if I don’t know who I am at the moment.
Who don’t I want to be?
I don’t want to be someone incapable of being vulnerable. I don’t want to miss someone I thought I loved because of insecurity. I don’t want to stop being curious. I don’t want to be close-minded to ignorance, because that’s ignorance in itself. I don’t want to be satisfied with 50%, even 80%, even 90% of what life has to offer. I don’t want to stop loving. I don’t want to stop laughing. I don’t want to stop expressing myself. I don’t want to stop writing. I don’t want to stop looking for ways to improve myself. I don’t want to stop doing things the right way, even if it’s longer and more exhaustive.
I could go on, but the fact I’m writing this to you let’s me know I’m capable of being vulnerable which leads me to being capable of things an individual I don’t want to become isn’t.
Good thing that’s a part of who I am.