FOR VICKY
You're probably joking with God like "Is he really singing Mariah Carey songs at 2am?!" Not much has changed since we last spoke. I'm still trying to keep positive, still trying to spread love, still writing, you know; the usual. I can't remember the last conversation we had and I strongly detest myself for that. I’ve always admired your work ethic. Always on time and punctual. You were intelligent, charming, and friendly. Your eyes could light up a whole room. Your smile was always warm and welcoming. So welcoming that I used to offer you high-fives every time we saw each other in high school. It would eventually transform into a friendly joke as I began holding my hand as high as I possibly could so you would have to jump to get to me. Good times. Great times. These details are small, albeit very meaningful to me.
There are very few people in this life you come across who can captivate you by their presence, reminding you of the genuine and the honesty life has to offer. You never had to do much. By simply being yourself, you challenged me from a distance to become someone better. I’ve had some nights where I browse your Facebook profile wishing I would’ve called you before God did. I’m writing you now because I wanted to let you know, you’re not forgotten and I think about you from time. I wanted your mother and your siblings to know they are not the only ones who miss you, although I’m confident they already know you are missed by many of us. At the moment, I’m still trying to find myself through this abyss we have come to know as life. Things are a bit slow now, but I promise you I’m going to make something out of it.
I wish we had taken a picture together or something. I can’t believe I can’t find one of us. Although I wish we had something tangible I could hold on to, the intangibles you have given me are priceless. One specific night, I remember us talking on MSN Messenger. We spoke on classwork, life as a teenager, and music amongst many other things. At the top of our messenger screen, there was a title of a song under your name. I asked what it was, and you said MSN Messenger could sync and it would show what song you were listening to. I was blown away by how advanced it was compared to AIM. I was so excited and you were amused at my excitement. Some nights I stay up and reflect on what once was, and I end up going through the motions of the misunderstandings of life.
Come this December, it'll be two years since you've left us. An angel here and an angel in the heavens, I see no difference. I feel blessed to have shared memories together. I can only imagine how much more you would have changed the world by now. You've made an incredible impact on my life and I wish there was a way to give thanks, but I know this message will get to you somehow, even if I am not aware of the delivery. Maybe in another lifetime we would've kept in touch. I can only hope we are sharing drinks somewhere in a parallel universe, joking about how crazy it is that high school was 5 something years ago. These words are yours and forever yours, dedicated to all of our school-night MSN messenger convos, all of our in between class high-fives, and most of all, dedicated to you and your memory.
Love and miss you, Vicky.
Your Friend,
Ratha David Loun