HOLIDAY SEASON 2016
Lately I’ve been donating to Go Fund Mes anonymously and going out to eat alone. I think things are changing. Either that, or I am. Perhaps both. I’ve always known that everybody has their own problems, but browsing Go Fund Me has shined a light on how lucky most of us are, myself included. It is true when they say other people have it worse. So much disease. So much death. So much hate in this world, I wonder if we’ll ever love again. I wish the humility and the compassion I feel at the moment on everybody. There is no better way to live happily than to help. Unfortunately, some people’s happiness is dependent on another’s unhappiness, which is a part of the digression us humans as whole still face today. I pray for change.
I’m so blessed. I must ask the Gods how a kid who doesn’t believe in religion has all the blessings. What did I do in a past life to deserve my parents? What did I do to deserve my older brother? Man, I swear his guidance is something people spend their whole lives searching for. Bagel is another blessing. He saved my life during a time where I had lost control of myself. I still haven’t quite found out who I am yet, but Bagel is teaching me more and more about myself each and every day. I’m thankful for that. Thankful for everybody who believes in this grandiose dream I have. I can’t be vocal enough about it. I’m just a kid from Apex, North Carolina who has been blessed far beyond understanding his whole life. Fuck it, I guess that’s how it goes sometimes.
Currently as I’m writing this, I’m sitting in the food court of North Lake mall eating Chick-Fil-A. I’ve been coming here to be surrounded by all the holiday decorations in hopes the holiday spirit will be contagious enough to pass on to me. I see couples and wonder if they’ll last. I fantasize what it would be like to have someone to shop for, someone to enjoy the holidays with. I appreciate how the colder weather brings out intimacy, behind closed-doors and in public. If you have someone, that is. If not, it can bring out the loneliness and the desire to be understood. There’s two sides to every story. Two ends on the opposite. Too lovable, yet too unavailable. Santa just walked past a little boy holding his dad’s hand and his eyes lit up when Santa waved. Black boy. White man. Genuine. The little boy had faith in the idea of Santa Claus and the gentlemen had enough wisdom to realize this. Life is so wonderful sometimes. If only it was this simple for the rest of us.
Just observing from the food court.
-RDL4EVER