AUTHORS
If you believe that everything happens for a reason, then life's timing can never be off. I think back on certain situations in life that have felt ill-suited for me intuitively. I've always said that the timing's wrong, and although at that point in life it may have been for a specific situation, overall, the timing was still right even when it was wrong. I'm just now learning that things that are meant to be and things that are meant to last can possibly be two separate entities. The decision to let go versus the possibilities of staying. The odds of things working out versus the chances of regret. It's all so alluring, but that's the trap in attraction. Thinking of how things could be is almost as good as having it, mistaking attraction for knowledge. I've somehow found myself in between the things that could happen and the things that didn't happen. Somewhere in the middle of who I was and who I could be is who I am right now, and to be honest, I'm not really sure who he is either. I'm trying though. I wrote to myself a while back about how I didn't want to find myself, but instead how I wanted to create myself. I didn't want to find myself in someone who I didn't belong with. I didn't want to find myself searching for outside acceptance. I didn't want to find myself being someone else other than me. I thought a lot about the kid that I once was. The kid who used to leave his doors open at night because he didn't want to be too far from his parents. The kid who used to be so shy and so bashful. The kid who used to have crooked teeth but loved to smile in pictures. There was a point where his two favorite times of the day were when his dad would come home from work and when his mom would tuck him into bed at night. That kid. I thought a lot about that kid and how I would be doing him the ultimate injustice by not being happy and chasing his dreams. And that's when it clicked. That's when I knew that all these pieces that I dropped along the way weren't meant to be a part of this puzzle. They say that we are the authors of our lives, and I truly believe that. I'm now making more conscious decisions of how I'm living. I keep telling myself that things are different now, and slowly but surely, I can feel it. There's more me in my life now. There's more control over the wheel. The destinations are different and the routes are scenic. Even when it's cloudy, I'm not sure if I miss the sun because my love for the rain is so strong. Ironic how I've been writing my whole life, but I'm just now starting to pick the pen up. I'm beginning to think that everything that felt wrong was right after all.
-RDL4EVER