The Green Tents

Ask yourself a series of questions. What’s your name? Where do your ancestors come from? What city were you born in? Who delivered you? What day in what month in which year did you begin experiencing life? What does life mean to you? Does death scare you? If so, what does that fear mean to your life? If not, is there any fear in existing if fear doesn’t exist in nonexistence?

On my way to work, without fail, I always see funerals in the cemetery off Monroe and Sharon Amity. People gather in crowds of 10-15 to surround a casket under a green tent. Unlike the movies, my observations see more color in their attires than black. Another examination is that time seems to slow down even if it’s only for the few seconds I drive by. There’s a delay in things happening, almost as if someone’s watching, trying to take it all in.

Ask yourself another question; what do you believe in? If not what, who do you believe in?

Christians believe in hell for the wicked and heaven for the righteous. Buddhists, much like Hindus, believe in the idea of reincarnation, where the ending of a physical life is the beginning of another. Islamic believers view death as the beginning of a period of resting until Allah judges the living and the dead on the day of resurrection . Forgive me if I’ve gotten anything wrong, I’m neither religious nor well-educated in the realm of religion. I, myself, am not sure what I believe, but I’m open to everything. I’d love to be accepted into heaven and live blissfully for the rest of eternity catching up with the people I loved in the physical life. The idea that Buddhists and Hindus present of being reincarnated is mesmerizing. To get a second chance at everything (in the most basic and ideal terms) and have the ability to erase regrets and live out a life you’ve always wanted. Honestly, I’m not sure if that’s how reincarnation works. Remember I am no expert on religion, but being a blank canvas in this life, I let my imagination run and at times it runs to a place that lacks knowledge but possesses an abundance of possibility.

I wonder sometimes; what if we’re all wrong?

Something exciting is that humans don’t understand many things about life, so how do we begin to even think we can understand something as perplexing as death? As ubiquitous as it is, not one person in the 200,000-year history of humankind has offered a concrete explanation as to why our nonexistence exists, although 200,000 years is a glimmer compared to the estimated 13.7 billion years of age the universe is.

Humans. We grow, we change. Somewhere in between the two, we learn. Because we are the most intelligent form of life on this planet, I know at times we feel like know it all, or at least we have the ability to know it all, but what if we don’t? What if there’s a limit to our comprehension? That’s the exciting part to me. Our mind only allows us to go as far as we can comprehend with our theories in religion, but what if this is bigger than us? What if we are simply unable to comprehend death as human beings. Incapable. I know, it sounds a bit uncomfortable, but maybe that’s a part of the experience. What if there’s no heaven and hell, but instead, when you die in this lifetime, you’re transported to a parallel universe for your second life with people on their second lives, and they know things you’re just now learning. The possibilities are endless. Amongst all these alternatives, I’m just trying to figure things out, so I apologize if this comes off as ignorant and dumb, but I get curious and excited from time.

To answer my own questions; my name is Ratha David Loun. I am of South-eastern Asian decent, Cambodian to be specific, and though I do not know who delivered me, I do know I was born in Lincoln, Nebraska on the 22nd day of the month of April in the year 1993. Death scares me, not only mine, but other’s as well. The fear is something I try to distract myself from, but I tend to end up writing about it, admitting the fear to myself in hopes I can use it as something to enhance the quality of my life. Perhaps the fear comes from my willingness to accept any belief I’m offered, yet none of these offers have been quite accepted, yet.

I’m still trying to fall in love every day. I’m still trying to take in every sunset I can in case there’s none in heaven. I’m trying to spend more time with Bagel as his time here is much more limited than mine, but also in the event we can’t find each other in another life time should reincarnation exist. I’m trying to live the best life I can without the answers I may or may not be able to comprehend at the moment.

With that being said, I’ll leave my favorite piece of writing I’ve ever written. I wrote it on the back of my notes as an intrigued 16 year-old in my AP United States History class back in 2010.

“If God is love then the Devil must be hate

And if opposites attract,

What does that make?

I guess it’s fate.”

Some things I have no control over and somethings I do. I have to accept one and make the best of the other. With the good and the bad, the wisdom and the unknown, the love and the hate, life is an experience. Sometimes I have to remind myself to experience it and sometimes I’m reminded on my way to work when time slows and I’m greeted by a mix of beliefs and emotions under those green tents, giving me a glimpse into everything that could be.

-RDL4EVER