A Bird Over The Bridge, A Short Note To Myself
There’s times when things feel alright, there’s times when things don’t. Acceptance is a part of life I’m not sure I’ll ever fully accept. Sometimes there’s no logical explanation as to why things happen. I’m notorious to myself for living in the past. The inability to let things go has hindered me from making the most of the moment, but ironically, it’s given me the ability to make the most of those moments later. It’s like waiting to cash in a check when you need it rather than when you want it. Reflecting on the past inspires me, it really does. Time is linear and there’s many forks in the road, but if you think about it long enough, you’re a different person multiple times in your life despite what your conscious tells you.
We change more than we think. Every decision, as minor as it may seem, changes us. Life is about experiences and the wisdom we gain from them. Different people lead different lives which lead to different wisdom. You can learn anything from anyone at any given time, yourself included. Teaching yourself is one of the most fulfilling things you can experience in this lifetime, albeit one of the most challenging.
This past Saturday, I woke up to a call from one of my best friends. We met each other over 10 years ago while playing recreational basketball for Holly Springs Parks & Rec. He was in town for a wedding on his mother’s side of the family and he wanted to hang for a while before. I had work at 1pm, so I picked him up from the hotel. We played a game of 2k and got lunch at the Chick-Fil-A across Concord Mills. While eating, our conversation consisted of conspiracy theories, life at the moment, and our dreams. We’ve had the same dreams for over a decade and seem to have made no type of progress on them whatsoever. We vowed to face our fears and put ourselves out there this upcoming year before I dropped him off back at the Hilton.
I didn’t have time to stop back home so I began driving to work. On the bridge off Pavilion that goes over I-485, there was a bird in the middle of the lane I was driving in. Usually birds fly when cars approach them, but this bird was still. It was a tiny bird, so any car could clear it with ease, even a sedan. I drove over it, making sure to not injure the bird, as did the two drivers behind me. I kept thinking of why the bird didn’t move and came up with two plausible explanations. Either the bird’s wings were damaged, or it was a baby bird who was exhausted from teaching itself how to fly. Either way, it was in the middle of the road in a helpless-like state. As I was thinking this, I made a u-turn as soon as I could to drive back in hopes to find the bird and get it off the road. Upon approaching my perceived vicinity of the bird’s location, I turned on my emergencies and drove cautiously making sure I didn’t miss it. The set up of the bridge is strange as there’s 3 lanes, 2 of which are going in opposite directions with a turning lane in the middle. I was driving in the turning lane until I pulled up to a pool of blood and feathers. I couldn’t believe it. Only a few minutes had passed between the time I saw the bird until the time I saw it’s gruesome aftermath.
Initially, I felt angry. Very angry. The bird was in the middle of the lane leading me to believe that to run it over, it would have to be a conscious decision. On to that, why would someone do such a thing? I couldn’t believe what I had saw. There were what seemed to be thousands of emotions running through me. Guilt, sadness, regret. It is true what they say: life is fragile.
I found myself at work revisiting the situation that was at hand earlier. Why did this happen? What can I learn from this? What is the universe trying to teach me, what is God attempting to tell me? Needless to say, things didn’t feel right until I got home and saw Bagel later that night. I can’t explain it, but to me Bagel is a beacon of understanding and acceptance. When I look at him, I see a part of life I can’t quite grasp. The more time we spend together, the better of a person I become. I firmly believe that.
Not only do our decisions change us, but the things we see and experience in which we have no control over do, too. Sometimes even more than the initial. Life is life, all we can really do is keep living. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I hope when you read this in retrospect Ratha, you’ll miss who you were and when you do that, it’ll inspire you to be a better you in the moment, a you that you’ll love at any point or fork in this linear timeline we call life.