Twenty Great

At times, I sit back and ask myself how I feel. I believe it is good to acknowledge our emotions, even better to understand them. Overall life is good, but some days I feel anxious. Other nights I am fearful. Although these two emotions are outliers, they are still worth exploring. Really, I think I’m anxious and afraid at the possibility of this life not working out how I planned. It seems I’m better off reserving plans for the thought of life rather than life itself. They say man makes plans and God laughs, but what kind of dark humor is it to be destined to create plans only to find out they weren’t a part of fate the whole time? Must be the same universe that allows you to love someone in their absence, but never in their presence. Perhaps God’s humor is our wisdom, at least that’s what I’m learning. I’m also learning not to think too much, because that’s what leads me to these emotions I don’t want to feel--yet I must confront--though the best way at confronting them is to live rather than to think. It’s a catch 22 in its truest form, it really is. It’s a cycle much like the seasons, seasons in which progress this human experience of ours. I don’t want to be too long-winded, but I was speaking with Dbaze a few weeks ago and I mentioned how the moments I reminisce on are moments in which I wasn’t reminiscing. Typing out that text settled something within my spirit, because for so long I’ve been at odds with why life doesn’t feel as grand as nostalgia. The fact of the matter is, in order to have nostalgia, one must live. Truth be told, a collection of memories I’ve harped on for years on end haven’t done anything for me in some time. I think I’m transitioning into a new cycle, a new chapter of life, where I’ll be doing much more living than thinking. It’s exciting because not only do I expect things to be different, but I expect myself to be, too.

I guess that’s the new wave because that’s how I’m feeling today.