Going Through Changes
Routine of discipline can be beneficial. Routine of comfort can be detrimental. I haven’t found any evidence to dispel either, so I take both as truth. I’m not sure I’ve done much more than watch time pass me by these past four years. I say this as progress is linear, yet the axis keeps getting further away as does the point of origin. The war between objectivity and subjectivity trouble me in moments like these. Many times, opinions are viewed as facts as the conviction of truth and morality outweigh perspective, leading to believe subjectivity for objectivity. Objectivity can be a lot like a wolf in sheep’s clothing in terms of subjectivity. I feel as if I’m not doing enough, but perhaps I need to value patience more. Maybe I need to keep turning up on the things I’ve dreamed of my whole life. Whatever it is, I’m hoping a change of scenery can bring some clarity to me.
Moving is a lot of things. Moving can be exciting. Moving can be sad. Moving can be bittersweet. Moving is the simultaneous ending of one chapter and the beginning of another. When I moved to Kempsford 4 years ago, I was 21 years old, Bagel was about to turn 2, and the Camborghini was still alive. Now I’m 25 years old, Bagel is about to turn 6, and the Camborghini is no longer around. I seem to always write how I feel older, yet stagnant, although when I think of it, times have changed much since then. It’s only human to take things for granted. Some things we don’t realize are appreciable until it’s time to let go. I’ll miss living in this house. I have meaningful, random memories in the first room up the stairs to the right. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve danced, I’ve sang, I’ve dreamt big in this house. I’ve done things for the first time in this house. I’ve done things for the last time in this house. There were nights where I’ve screamed to the stars in the name of heartbreak. There were days I smiled at the clouds in the name of joy. I find encouragement that the bad times will pass. I find appreciation in the fact the good times never last. Somewhere in between them both I hope to find a life well lived.
I have to leave this place for now, but I know there’s better times ahead.