2019: The Year of Still-Waters

2019 Monthly Portraits

Click Monthly Portraits to enlarge. If pixelated, wait a few seconds.

2019 Favorites

Favorite Song: Hoops - Kawelo (feat. Franskiiz), Easy (Remix) - DaniLeigh (feat. Chris Brown), Say It - Maggie Rogers

Favorite Movie Watched: Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Favorite Album: PMD, Marc. E. Bassy

Favorite Sports Moment: Duke beats UNC in 2019 ACC Tourney presented by New York Life (3.15.19)

Favorite Sports Moment (witnessed in person): Zion 360 at Cameron Indoor for the ACC Homeopener, shout out STEEZY!! (1.5.19)

It was showtime in Cameron Indoor as Zion Williamson pulled off a 360 dunk during the game against Clemson. Normally something you would only see in a dunk contest, Zion Williamson stole the ball and then went 360 before jamming it home in this ACC Must See Moment presented by New York Life.

Favorite Television Series watched: Escobar: El Patrón del Mal (2012)

Favorite Chicken Sandwich - Chick-Fil-A/Popeyes: Chick-Fil-a

Notable Artistic Happenings: the running diary 2 year anniversary, the running diary 1000th day

the running diary 2 year anniversary, march 12th 2019.

the running diary 1000th day, december 7th 2019

In 2019

Still-waters is the first thing that comes to mind in retrospect of 2019. At first glance, there isn’t much that happened which stuck out, but isn’t that applicable to life as a whole? There are only a handful of occasions, most of which are societal constructs, that us humans are expected to go through. Being born, graduating high school, graduating college, finding a job, getting married, having kids, raising a family, then retirement. Are you meaning to tell me we have 70 some odd years to do 8 things? I find myself wanting more out of life, yet I know life isn’t an overnight process despite how quickly we’ve found time to escape us. I don’t want to just get married, I want to pen a story of love with an off-chance preface of everything that lead us to meet. I don’t want to just find a job, I want to let my passion lead me to another channel of love through fulfillment. I don’t just want to graduate college, I want my diploma to be more than a symbol of grades and overnight study sessions. I want my degree to remind me of the life-long friendships I’ve developed, and all the times spent staying out late that I’ll never get back with the people I love. I want to experience life with an emphasis on the details, so when I look back, I’ll be able to say 70 some odd years was enough.

However in 2019, the details haven’t been as vibrant as they’ve been in the past.

Last year I wrote about beliefs, and how strong-beliefs turned convictions can change someone’s life for a lifetime. What I didn’t realize is, life challenges our beliefs. The trials and tribulations we go through have the ability to put life as we know in question. Life may be the sweetest adventure we’ll ever experience, yet it may also be the most bitter ordeal we’ll ever have to endure. Christians let Jesus take the wheel, Hindus let karma handle the malicious, but me? I don’t know what I have. I have this illusioned belief that I can change the world, but I’m not sure what good it’s doing me at the moment. I began the year continuing a promise I made not only to my parents, but to myself as well, that I would finish my bachelor’s degree, so that’s what has been occupying much of my time. I feel like I’ve been subjected to the reign of life, but I honestly haven’t given much thought to free-willed control this year until recent.

A pair of game-worn Air Jordan VI’s worn by Michael Jordan from 1991, one of my favorite pictures I took this year.

There’s a method to the madness under the belief everything is meant to be. This year I let the currents of fate navigate me through the waters of life under no suggestion nor recommendation of where I wanted to be come years end. Some days I wanted to let go, other days I had no interest in moving on. At times, I tried to define life only to end up letting life define me. Despite conscious realization or not, I’ve made the decision to let decisions be made for me. As unsettling as it may sound, I’m still coming to terms with it. This is not necessarily a bad thing, nor a good thing, as I’m indecisive of how I feel. More than that, I don’t know what to feel. They say it’s never too late, or that anything can happen at any time, and while both may be honest sentiments, neither are the truth I’m living currently. I tell myself I could be doing more, but honestly, I don’t know what I’d be doing more of. It’s like I’ve become numb to the effects of time. I have been existing in a life meant to live. Although I don’t know what to feel, perhaps this year may be beneficial to who I’ll become because the person I want to become does more than exist, he lives life, but would he know how to live life had he not known what existing felt like?

Fishes have evolved to be very social animals. They swim in groups called schools for various reasons including protection and maximal-foraging. The composition of schools may begin with 5 or 6 fish but during feeding seasons and migration, that number may reach thousands easily. Have you ever seen a school of fish swim? It is amazing, really. The synchronization is a testament to both the beauty of life and the beauty of connection. Albeit connection is needed in this life of ours, I prefer the peace of solitude rather than the burden of company most times. Rather than a fish swimming through an ocean of existence, I favor myself more towards a fin whale. Fin whales are private mammals who often times travel and hunt alone. These 60-ton animals have been known to avoid schools and pods. Nobody knows why, just that it is. With the year—and the decade—coming to a close, I feel I’m more open to change than ever before, but I’m not sure at what cost. At the cost of who I think I am? At the cost of my comfort? While I’m appreciative for existing, I’m ready to get back to living. To living life. To living in the moment. To living out my wildest dreams. Despite the lack of waves lately, trust and believe there’s lots of life and inspiration beneath what might be seen at the surface.

They say still-waters run deep, and while that may be true, I think this year I’ll be coming up for air.

In 2020

I hope coming up for air gives me the life I need to start living.

2018 Year in Review Here