Commercial Breaks
I had just gotten home from campus and let Bagel out. I poured a plate of plantain chips my mom sent me, laid in bed, and turned on the television. A commercial promoting tomorrow’s episode of Dr. Phil came on. As I was snacking, I wondered if bruh really was a doctor, so I Googled him. According to his Wikipedia page, he is indeed a doctor, a PhD at that. I also noticed his yearly salary was listed as 79 million. Seventy. Nine. Million. For some reason I would not have thought he made that type of money. Maybe 10 or 20 million, but 80?! That’s an astronomical amount of money to play TV therapist. A few minutes pass and I could barely keep my eyes open. Slowly but surely a peaceful slumber came over me.
Although my phone was next to me, I woke up to my Fitbit vibrating on my wrist. It was a text from Rachel and a text from Spence. Spence asked me what was going on at UNCC. I told him I didn’t know because I had just woken up from a nap. Rachel’s text was more urgent, more concerning. She asked if I was okay and to tell her I wasn’t on campus. Confused, I looked up at the television, and instead of Dr. Phil commercials, WCNC news anchors were breaking news of a shooting at Kennedy on UNCC’s campus. As surreal as it was, it didn’t set in at that moment. As information was traveling from the other side of the screen, all I could do was hoard it until I found time to process what was happening. I spent the next 40 minutes glued to the tv. At one point, one of the news anchors paused and put his fingers up to his ear piece. Seconds later he broke the news 2 students had passed away. I turned off the tv. I sat in what felt like complete solitude for a moment with my head in my hands; then I looked at Bagel and we went on a walk.
I remember thinking about the kid they caught last year who planned to shoot up UNCC when I re-enrolled this past Fall. I always wonder about these mass shootings, especially school shootings. What’s the motive? Do shooters seek attention? Power? Perhaps revenge? What underlying issue(s) drove you this far to where harming others brings you satisfaction? An hour later when Bagel and I returned home, it was dark out. I cooked spaghetti and retreated to my room. When I turned on the television they were still going live. Curious if they released identities, I logged on Facebook. What I hate most about tragedies, besides tragedies themselves, is how selfish people become in wake of tribulation. Mere hours after the shooting, political agendas were already being pushed. Arguments inclusive of mental health and stricter gun laws commenced. Morality was being questioned. Attacks on personal character through the presumption of an ‘if we disagree, you’re wrong’ mindset instigated like innocent lives weren’t taken just a few hours ago. To make matters worse, I get a notification from a girl who marked herself as ‘safe’ when in reality she moved back to Raleigh months ago. I strongly detest people who use tragedy as a means to seek attention. In fact, I despise it. It drives me nuts.
2 dead, 4 injured. Out of those 4, 3 were in critical condition. Eventually they released not only the names, but the pictures of the victims too. You read the names, but things become real when you can see the faces. When I matched the faces with the names, it gave me a feeling I couldn’t adequately describe to myself, a feeling that left me grasping for words I couldn’t seem to hold on to. Earlier in the week, I found out about an unsolved murder in Chapel Hill that happened nearly 7 years ago. I was so drawn to the case I engulfed myself in research surrounding the details of her murder. One of the hits on Google brought me to her Myspace profile. I saw photos of her early adolescence and on. It affected me because these were the same photos I had on my profile at the time, just in a different setting with different people. I had photos with my homies on the back of the bus. I took pictures in between classes with the flash on, tall tees and all. Photos from summer pool-side kickbacks bumping new Wayne and T-Pain. I could feel that last line how vivid it is to my memory. When you draw similarities, things begin to resonate. Though I never knew her or the victims of the shooting, I felt connected. I felt connected because I was that kid on Myspace doing PC4PC. I was that kid eager to post up with the squad during a school dance. I was that innocent kid doing presentations in class at UNCC. Often-times in this life I’ve found we’ll walk in the same shoes as others, but to different destinations. Without reason, destiny can be sly in its nature and in its intentions.
The most humbling aspect about these tragedies is it could’ve been you. It could’ve been me. We all lead different lives, but we are all a part of the same life. We live in the same universe, on the same planet, at the same time. Anything can happen to any of us at any given moment, anywhere for any given reason. Two short days after the shooting, one of the student’s bodies was transported back home to Waynesville. His motorcade was live-streamed. His visitation is on Saturday with his funeral being the day after. He passed Tuesday and will be buried Sunday. All in less than a weeks-worth. As quick as things are happening, it’s been eye-opening for me. I’ve come to the realization death is as quick as life. If life’s a flash, then death is a blip. When people move on after the physical life, we remember roses and smiles with a deep sense of gratitude. It leads us to move with purity and compassion, two things I wish were more prevalent during as opposed to in reflection. When people are here with us, we tend to lose grip of how swift death can be, leading us to believe we’ll have another chance. Another chance to express how you feel about them. Another chance to apologize. Another chance to reminisce. Another chance to spend time and laugh with them. Ye’ once said “if you admire somebody, you should go ahead and tell them, people never get the flowers while they can still smell them.” I think more than ever, the world needs more flowers. I hope we all can smell the roses and smile together, while we’re still here with each other.
That is my wish.
Condolences to the families of those who lost a loved one. Best wishes to those who are recovering. Perpetual care to those we lost. God speed to all.
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